I just read this story that talks about a Coors employee who accidentally sent 77,500 gallons of beer into a creek. That’s a lot of beer. The question that needs to be asked though, is why on earth a Coors employee has the capability of sending that much beer into the creek by flipping a switch. Surely they must have anticipated this type of event when they install such a switch. They likely even had it labeled with scary phrases like “Don’t touch this switch, or the fish will be swimming in beer” or even “You spill it, you bought it.” I suspect foul play however. I think it went down a little something like this:

College fish 1: “Hey man, I like beer”

College fish 2: “Yeah man, me too. You know where they’ve got a lot of beer?”

College fish 1: “I dunno, where?”

College fish 2: “At the Beer making place - the whatchamacallit - the brewery”

College fish 1: “I hear they’ve got this switch that sends beer to the creek, but they’re not supposed to touch it”

College fish 2: “Man, that would be so cool. Imagine if that were true. We could get them to switch it on, and we could have all the beer we wanted. We wouldn’t even get ID’d”

College fish 1 & 2 then went to the Coors brewery, and changed the sign to read “Flip this switch, or you’ll be swimming with the fishes” or something like that. After a huge fish frat party, they forgot to get the switch turned off, and were all killed by alcohol poisoning.

Well, maybe that isn’t how it happened, but what the heck.

Simpson’s quote: “Okay, brain. You don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let’s get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.” - Homer