I’ve been known to enjoy the occasional conspiracy theory. I’m not big into the whole “Who shot JFK” bit, and most conspiracy theories that I hear about are lacking in imagination, as well as entertainment. So, I submit for your approval: The real reason behind the Superbowl Halftime Show Nudity

I watched the halftime show. Well, watched is probably a bit of a strong word, because what really happened was that the halftime show was on in the background while people were talking and eating. Anyway, to make a long story short, I happened to be watching the TV when Justin Timberlake ripped off half of Janet Jackson’s top, leaving her *ahem* exposed. My brother and I looked at each other with the “Did I just see what I think I just saw?” expression on our faces. I figured if we saw what we thought we saw, it would be all over the internet within minutes.

So, having seen it live (on TV), I feel qualified to comment on it. I think it was deliberate. I think lots of people knew about it in advance, even some of the very same people who have publicly stated that they are “shocked and disappointed” with the event.

Why would they do such a thing deliberately? Well, as with all things, it boils down to money. CBS, who aired the superbowl, is one of the leading HDTV supporters in the US. I’m pretty sure they air more of their content in HDTV in more markets than all of their competitors. The Superbowl is a flagship of the HDTV world. They knew that lots of people would be watching with their HDTV’s and they knew that some of them would be able to screen capture such an “accident” so as to post it all over the internet. I’m not going to post a link to any of those places, because I don’t want to help them out.

That still doesn’t explain why they did it. Until you realize that HDTV isn’t very widespread in the US yet. CBS wants people to adopt HDTV much faster than they have, because in a couple of years, their advantages will be completely nullified. If everyone had an HDTV capable TV now, they’d be watching HDTV on CBS, and not SDTV on NBC or ABC - or so the thinking goes. “The medium is the message” so to speak. Who cares if it’s good TV, as long as it’s HDTV. What better way to drive more people to buy HDTVs than by showing them graphical proof of how much better the picture quality is.

Five years ago, the internet would be flooded with blurry pictures of what is supposedly Janet Jackson’s boob. Today, it’s flooded with pictures that are high resolution enough to tell what she had for breakfast (I don’t know what that means.) The difference is obvious. No amount of beautiful nature loops at the local futureshop will sell HDTVs as quickly as a single famous boob.

Don’t believe me? I bet more HDTVs are being sold today than were sold one year ago. Unfortunately I am kept from accessing this information by a secret cabal intent on controlling the universe via mind control waves hidden in HDTV signals. When that has been accomplished, we’ll all be eating Soylent Green, and we’ll like it.

Simpson’s quote of the day: “Nuts to that. I’m going to the movies.” Homer