Today be Talk Like a Pirate day. Y’arr. Yestarrrday we brung in th’ garrrrrden, picked th’ carrrrrots and th’ sunflowarrrrs. Oh, and potatoes, tomatoes and beans. Arrr. I’m not very good at this.

Ye scurvy savages. Ye traitorous troglodytes. Bashi-bazouks! I be tryin’ me best t’entertain ye, and th’ best ye can come up wi’ is to criticize me pirate talk? Avast. Ye’ll be walking the plank and feeding the flounder, ye freshwater swabs. I learn’d me trade from one o’ the best.

Simpson’s quote o’ th’ day: “Batten down the mizzenmast, mates” - Captain McAllister